We (me, Alexxis, Kelsey, and Erica) get to class to discover we are watching a movie. At first thought, we were ecstatic, because we didn't have to listen to 'ole Yolanda blabber on about the spiritual world and the collective unconscious (whatever the hell that means) for an hour and a half (or hour and fifteen minutes, we're still not sure exactly how long the class is- we obviously pay lots of attention). But then, we realize the movie is about a topic we have discussed once before- the ability of water to retain information: to hear words, to understand thoughts, to read, and to listen to music. During this movie, we learned that water from happy, peaceful places (like mountain springs) has "pretty" crystals when it is frozen. Water from the tap has "ugly" formations. These whackos have literally made a SCIENCE of this, and they've spent years and thousands of dollars developing it. Part of their extremely scientific method includes:
-tapping the bottom of the vile of water to "activate" it.
-freezing the water, and then looking at it through a microscope. Surprisingly, only one out of about fifty samples "reveals its true nature". Hmmm... I wonder why? In real words, that means they only get good results 2% of the time, and in scientific terms, that means their results aren't valid.
-placing a little vial of water in front of a stereo system and blasting Mozart or Beethoven for it. Apparently, people, water can hear. And this also apparently proves that "music can readjust the distorted vibrations of history."
Another fascinating discovery they have made is that water can, in fact, read. Because when you tape a word like "love" to the outside of a water bottle, it reads it and reforms its structures into more aesthetically pleasing shapes. But words like "hate" anger the water and hurt its feelings, and it thus makes ugly shapes.
And here's the kicker- water can read our minds. The "scientists" had people stand in a circle around a tiny vile of water, holding hands, and think things like "I love you water, I appreciate you water, I will take care of you water." All of these positive messages send vibrations to the water, and... well, you know the rest.
After this extremely accurate piece of scientific research was over, our teacher stood up in front of the class, proclaiming that if our bodies are 80% water (or more! she was very keen on emphasizing that it could be more than 80%), then this obviously has HUGE significance in terms of the power of music therapy, the doctor-patient relationship, and positive thinking. Well let's just consider cancer cured, then! Obviously it's all about attitude. Because all of the happy water in your body is certainly going to kill that malignant melanoma.
When I began to question her about the methods of this "science", she looked at me as though I had just murdered her first-born son. How could anybody POSSIBLY question this giant crock of shit? They only have a 2% success rate? Shhh.... that part doesn't matter. It's a miracle.
Alexxis then asks the very logical, reasonable question of "why do the shapes of these water crystals have significance in our bodies?" Yolanda's response was a look of horror. Apparently Alexxis killed her second born son. She clarifies, asking "do we know how this can help us or how it relates to our health?" Yolanda's response? Some mumblings about vibrations. Right, riiight, the vibrations. It's all so clear now! Crystal clear, if you will.
My dear readers, this is what I am learning in Mexico. It will, in fact, be on the test. I have to memorize things like "through crystallization, water can act as a mirror, reflect human thought and show us what we don’t want to see" as well as "it can tell us what is important to our planet and our people, and it can catapult us forward as we begin to contemplate the future."
Today, as we were sitting in our Learning and Memory class (another psych class) and watching our teacher mimic someone by flailing her arms about wildly and kicking her legs frantically, I think Alexxis summed up our psychology education in Mexico quite nicely:
"Why are all Mexican psychologists absolutely insane?"